Kathy's Diary

[pawpaw]

Kathy kept a dairy of the days leading up to the begining of Micronesia in the margins of her book.

[pawpaw]

Day 1

Wrote love Rick and Maddy

23 hours of travel
Chicago-LA
LA-Hawaii
Hawaii-Guam
Guam-Paulu

Living in a tent
1 bathroom, leaky shower
Spiders in shower

Strange, only 10 contestants here?

[pawpaw]

Day 2

Moved cots to beach to tan and there was a breeze-very hot out.

Not allowed to talk to each other.

12:40 Rain, lucky I had already moved my cot.

After lunch went to survival school.

I'm I really here? Is this really happening? To me of all people.

Mmmmmm burgers, lunch was good.

5 guys, 5 girls Me and Gilligan ( chet ) look like the oldest , great, just effffin great!

I'm digging my tent, at least we have a fan & electricity.

I took the closes to the beach but farthest from the bathroom. Its O.K. less stinky.

I have named all the guys: Gilligan ( Chet ), Fred Flintsone or Gieco caveman ( Joel ), Leif Garret ( Erik ), Bobby Sherman ( Jason ) and Luke wilson ( Mikey )

Unfortunately, I have travel bowel. its 1:30 and still nothing.

I'm melting, I think Gilligan is gay--we shall see.

5:00 Back from survival school, little old Paulauan guy with 5 teeth ( all rotten ) He was cute. Maybe they are going to put us up against 10 former survivors. Hints were season 16 was an allstars. I hope I don't come off as a smartass out here. I miss you fguys, I don't want to cry.

7:15--still no poop, Started at the full moon. Tide is highest now. I said "hi baby" and started to cry. Made a wish apon the star. Wished you guys were O.K. You guys mean everything to me. Snap out of it KB. Going to take some pills to sleep.

[pawpaw]

Day 3

Sleeping pills worked great. So do ear plugs with all the fricking chickens clucking and frogs croaking everywhere.

Not much to do today. I swear I saw someone in the other cabana swinging on a porch swing last night. I was pissed no one told me there was a swing. Turns out it was Fred ( Joel ) literally bench pressing the picnic benches, just swinging it around. Holy ****! I hope he is nice. He is huge.

DR. Liz the shrink had us sign stuff, so I finally got to blab, feels great. Cried a little about Maddy though. I'm in a great mood. Got to talk a long cold shower today and wash my clothes in the sink. Things take forever to dry here.

Sat in the cabana and had to listen to Bobby Sherman ( Jason ) play the same 3 cords over, over and over again. He is terrible. I mouthed to Nicole Kidmen ( Natalie ) while my fingers were in my ears " He sucks". She smilied.
Leif Garret ( Erik ) is drawing , I sneaked a peek at them and they are good.

I have named the girls too, Mary Ann ( Mary ), Ginger ( Tracy ), Nicole Kidman ( Natalie ) and little boo peep ( Alexis ). I swear I have never met anyone who smilies as much as her. Is that normal? Or am I a jaded old lady? God only knows what their calling me!

Cloudy and sprinkly, looks like all day. Much cooler. I think I like this other lady here. Ginger ( Tracy ) She seems to be the other older lady here. I think she is @ 39. Hopefully not younger , cuz then I'll offend her. Mite have to bring my cot in, raining harder now.

[pawpaw]

Day 3 continued

2:20 Batten down the hatches!! (not Richard) raining HARD for last 1/2 hour already. Tent is dripping/leaking. No poop yet Noelle just gave me a natural laxative and we shared a smoke. Shes says give it up to 6 hours to work. I wonder who is the patron saint of pooping? I need to prayer to them. Don't want to start the game all backed up.

How many meals have I had? Yikes! Math..no calculator. 3 squares a day, times 3 days, all in, and nothing out. This can't be good.

I'm out of water, might go out in the down pour and get some. More water, maybe poop. Don't mean to go on about it, but its really starting to freak me out. At least here I know theres toilet paper, out there? I am doomed. this is something I hadn't planned on happening.

I love you guys. Day 3 and still no talking. Nothing else to do today. I quess tomorrow is a big day. Start at 5:00AM -interviews and filming. My hair is to curly in this weather. I pray Maddy is O.K. without me. I hope she doesn't get mad at me for being away this long.

I hope it is worth it because it is killing me not to be with my family.

3:00 Tent dripping everywhere. Still pouring for 1 hour now. Puddles on the floor of tent coming up from the seam on the floor. Floor all puffy like a waterbed, you can feel it under the tent. Staying on the cot for fear of standing on the floor and completely flooding the tent. I thought the rainy season was over. I hope this isn't an omen.

4:30 Still raining. HARD, my suitcase getting wet. Damm it. Theres no place to hang your clothes to dry.

5:40 Finally stopped raining.

6:00 Raining again but seems lighter.

7:50 Goodnight my loves. Looked at the moon and said goodnight baby. I hoped you looked at the same moon. Press interviews tomorrow.

[pawpaw]

Day 4 Saturday

Media day, WOW. Talked to TV guide, People, EW, US. Had photos taken. Really windy day and the camera guy made me face the wind. I told him that probably is a bad idea as I look pretty silly with my hair blowing back. He got mad and told me he is a professional, pretty much "shut up" ( side note, bastard then went and picked that photo for the web site. trust me, I was even more mortified than you people ) Still got to get video interviews yet.

I have been up since 4:30AM and it is now 8:40AM, feels like forever. Back home, I would be just getting up.

I finally got to talk to people, yeah!

But now getting tired of talking to people, and still have the videos to go.

Saw "Mary Ann " in her bikini. Jeez those fake boobs are weird looking. Still no poop yet, hoping today.

I don't think I fit in here. Maybe I'll go first. I don't know. Hot young chicks all of them. And then there is me. Kinda intiminating. Must be more confident. Try acting cool or indifferent maybe.

Everyone moves away from me. Whats up with that? Jeezus, Gilligan of all people , just got up and moved away from sitting next to me at lunch. What the ??

1:00 media day over. Meet producers and Jeff Probst. He's actually a nicer person than I thought.

Beautifull breeze off the ocean. Cot back on beach. It would be perfect if you guys were here with me too. But you're not, I'm alone.

I wrote " I love you Maddy & Rick " in the sand. Can you see it? go ahead and read.

Miss you both achingly. Hopefully "game on " soon. This not knowing when is like mental torture. Being around people , knowing they will be on your tribe, but not able to speak to them, watching as they smilie to one another like they know something I don't know, not letting me be included sucks! They should really change this part of the process, I don't know how but it should be changed.

Got to talk a lot today. I was really nervous today, CBS & TV guide channel. Blah, Blah, Blah, I don't even know what all I said. Had to do an intro for TV guide channel" Hi, this is Kathy Sleckman fron Survivor Micronesia and you are watching the TV guide network. I was so nervous what I said was " and you are watching the food channel". Doh, retake! So hopped up on the fake Pauluan canned coffee with cream ( Yak milk? ) that I want to vomit.

One camera guy said I was the funnest of them all. Guess I'm proud of that. I hope I don't loses my "funny" out there. I feel it defines me, without it, who would I be?

4:15 okay, getting down again. Coffee is wearing off. Wondering what the hell I'm doing here. Thought we would start the game immediately. All these days trapped inside my own head is weird. God I wanted this so bad 3 years ago. ( in Vanauata Rick and I were seperated. I was going to be a single mom and I was so desperate to win the million that I would of slit anyones throat to win it. I wanted the best cardboard box under the bridge for me and her to live in. But everything happens for a reason. I didn't get on, Rick and I sobered up, we fell back in love and became the family that I have always hoped for. Who knows where we would be if I had gotten on Vanauata. Maybe I would be in LA trying to extend my 15 minutes )

I'm going to buckle up, snap out of it for now. Take it a hour at a time. Back is tight, my cot sucks. Its ripping away from the frameand I feel like I'm laying in a soup ladle. Oh no.

[pawpaw]

Day 5 Sunday

7:30AM--Last night DR Liza had me drink some nasty fiber stuff. This morning felt "a little something", ate before everyone else and went to the bathroom knowing I would be alone with no one waiting outside the door --presto, small but a start.

Things I have learned here:

1] Bring laxatives, I have pepto & immodium, but forgot anything to get it started. This backed up thing has never happened before-must be nerves.

2] Bring cheap flip flops, my leather Merills took 2 1/2 days to dry, mushy, slimmy leather-yuck. Now I have to go barefoot in the shower and I'm worried about fungus or a spider bite.

3] Bring more shelf bra tops. Spagetti straps. To hot with bra and tank top.

4] Shoulda brought my defrizzer for hair and or mousse. Who knew we would be stuck here so long.

5] Crystal light to add to all the water.

6] Small travel bottle laundry soap/softner. washing clothes in sink with hand soap is not cutting it.

7] more comfy lightweight draw string shorts.

8] Bring a hair clip, damm it I had it in my hand and thought " I won't need it"

9] More cotton tank tops instead of so many t-shirts. Don't take up much room.

10] I don't need to have these people like me, the people I like and who like me are all back home. I started flashing back to high school and all the cliqueness and started getting sad. maybe it was the pooping finally, but I my AHA moment at about 7:00AM I don't care if they like me or include me or not. I have people in my life who care about me and its not these people. I feel more confident.

[pawpaw]

Day 5 Sunday Continued

8:05AM-Big rain!, tent time. On last pack of smokes, dang it. Thought I would be off them by now and only brought them so I would have them after the game, not before. I hope we leave soon. I thought I could have at least 2packs left. But with the worry of everything they have helped. like a security banket, a friend when everyone I know is half a world away. I don't want to turn into Shane. Supposed to have a cast photo later.

8:10--About 120 degrees in my tent right nowwhere we have been told to say right now. Thank God for the fan, but really now I'm just cookin on conventional setting instead of bake.

11:30--Back from medical,they took our "game" bagsand said I couldn't take my pills for my back because it would be an unfair advantage to have them. They gave me enough for today and if we don't leave tomorrow they will give me enough for the next day.

Doh!, I shouldn't of given them all of them. Just trying to follow the rules. Good thing I didn't give them the valium. I got 3 left, so 6 more doses. I really feel like a more confident person.

****!, bo-peep just got up and left me. I wonder if I stink? Checked pits, smells O.K. to me. But today I don't care. I'm O.K. as long as I got you guys.

12:10--After lunch, I wish I had an astronauts pen so I could write lying down. Back is getting tighter. Food here is the same regurgitated stuff over and over again. We got weight today and I've gained 2 pounds. eating is the only thing that breaks the monotony with the gusto of a sumo wreastler.

Honey your right, I should of brought a journal instead of just writing in this book. Bo-peep brought one and I saw her drawing rainbows in it. Maybe I should rename her pollyanna.

It is very therapeutic to write my feelings down. Its almost like having company over. I should listen to you more. This is another thing I am learning. Gonna rain soon, better hurry and go pee.

[pawpaw]

Day 5 Sunday Continued

12:40--No rain, so hot, so bored. Only 1/2 hour has gone by, feels like 4. reminder, quit looking at watch. Down to 13 cigarettes. Don't know when we are starting this damm thing. Won't have enough cigarettes to get me though this.

2:50--Cast photos,what a hoot! We had to get on tree limbs. Acourse I stayed on ground level. Don't want to put my back out before the game starts. Guess what? They took some shots and then asked me to go on the top anyway. Uh oh, I thought, but I jumped up and climbed up. Don't want to look like a feeble old lady. We all got to giggle and actually ( even though we weren't supposed too ) talk ( whisper ) to each other. some girls I thought were mean were actually nice.

In the scheme of things, only you and Maddy really mean anything to me. It was so hot I had to put my hair in pigtails and that is how it will look in all the cast photos.

Crap

But we both know a ponytail is much, much worst. I know I look like Elle May Clampbett but I feel I had no choice.

Other girls all hot/sexy looking. I told them please don't stand next to me in the pictures. i tried standing next to Fred & Luke so I would look tiny like the other girls. Joking acourse. I should be over my insecurities but somethings stay with you no matter how hard you tryto make them go away. I am who I am ( quoting popeye ) And I am better than I used to be.

Oh yeah, then we were in our bathing suits too. All of them bikinis but me in a 1 piece. Thank God I brought one. We had to walk and run in the water. It was so retarded but fun at the same time.

[pawpaw]

Day 5 Sunday Continued

5:30--Sooo bored!! Don't want to sit outside with the others because back is killing me and to sit up on the picnic bench is making it worst. Got pad off cot, put it on the floor. Laying in a hot tent. No breeze today, just dead air.

This is about the time of day when it starts to get real down for me. Can't talk, can't do nothing. Already took my cold shower. I'm suprised it doesn't give me a heart attack. No more feeling like I have to poop at all. Scary again. And my period, which should of been a week ago, might just be starting up. Aaaah, of all the bad luck.

Dinner, good something to do.

6:55PM-- Erika pulled each of us aside and gave us a little talk (edited )Someone (edit) told me on the plane to Hawaii (edit ). So lots of pressure, but good to know So that I got something to live up to. Erika then gave a talk to all of us and she started crying. Thats when I lost it. Had to get up and walk away. I then paniced because I could not see the moon. I had to say "hi baby" and I couldn't see it ( behind clouds ) and started bawling. Noelle came and talked to me and said hang in there, this part will soon be over.

I hope so, This part sucks not being able to talk. Seems like 20 days but really what? 4 days? Maybe we start tomorrow. God please give me strength and inner peace to get through this. Everyone has high expectations of me, what if I fail?

Maybe I'll feel different about it tomorrow. I usually do. Good night my loves. I hope your safe and happy. Please send me your good vibes across the ocean so I can feel your strength. I need you. Going to take some pills and try to sleep. Bye XXOO. Know this, I love you guys more than any old stinkin reality show.

Oh yeah one last thing I learned. Always take the blankets from the airplane. They have come in handy so far.